


DRUNKEN

by iStylinson



Category: Larry Stylinson - Fandom, One Direction
Genre: Anxiety, Bottom Louis, Drunk Harry, Fighting, M/M, Smol Louis, Top Harry
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-05-11
Updated: 2017-05-12
Packaged: 2018-10-30 18:00:59
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 5
Words: 6,493
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10882059
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/iStylinson/pseuds/iStylinson
Summary: Harry gets drunk. Louis is tired.orThe nights leading up to Louis deciding he's had enough.





	1. Chapter 1

Louis is content. Not happy, not sad. But content. Since parting from the band and management, they have had more time together and Louis enjoyed that more than anything. But it didn't exactly last, Harry was soon busy- you could say he was too busy for Louis. He was offered a record deal with Columbia and the couple only talked about it briefly. Harry seemed to think it was an obvious "Yes, I'm going to take the deal. I'm just asking you because I know you'll say yes." But Louis knew what this would bring. It would mean Louis would be pushed to the side, not intentionally but- that was usually the way it goes. Louis knows Harry would never purposely want Louis to feel isolated or not as important as his job but Louis knows that's the way it will go. Harry will be busy with performances, tours, meetings, interviews. Louis will probably just be home, being a little housewife. God, Louis hated that. He hated to be that person that sits at home and takes care of the house or kids while the successful partner just wins at life, while the other is miserable. Louis wants to go out and get offered record deals and photoshoots but, he just didn't. Louis knew he didn't exactly add up to Harry's talent, despite Harrys' praise. He kept his feelings to himself.  
Often, Harry gets caught up in the fame. He did this during their last tour, while exclusive people were seeking him out. The ones that knew the band was going on hiatus. He would go to his meetings with new people, new business partners, then drink afterwards. This is when he started drinking. Maybe peer pressure? Louis didn't know. But he ended up enjoying it, drinking more often. Staying out late and leaving Louis sitting on the couch, worrying. Most of the time though, Harry would come home around 2:45 am each night. He would be horny and all over Louis but Louis refused to do anything with him while Harry was in that state.  
Usually it wasn't bad, Louis could put up with Harry whining and trying to take his clothes off. But he would not but up with violence. Harry never put Louis in harms way but one night he came home, just absolutely wasted. This was the first night.

~

Louis had made dinner that night. He wasn't the best cook but he made a pot of mashed potatoes and bought a rotisserie chicken, he thought that would suffice. He knew Harry had a meeting that would be over around 7 (To talk about when they would release his songs, Louis thought) so he had it ready then. 

Harry was a no-show.

So Louis worried, like he usually does. Louis worried a lot, he was an anxious person. Not so care free as his boyfriend was. It was nothing too bad though, something he couldn't get through. Harry would always tell him he was strong for dealing with his thoughts when they went haywire. Louis loved when Harry made him feel strong, not beautiful(which Harry did as well), he just liked to be strong. Louis assumed Harry went out drinking after the meeting. 'Nothing major,' he thought. 'He's fine, just drinking.' Louis turned on the tele to distract himself from his thoughts.

Before he knew it he was interrupted by Harry slamming the door and chuckling. He glanced at the clock and it read 2:17 am. Had he really been watching that long? "Harry?" He got up. "Harry- Jesus Christ, y-you scared me. Where were you?"  
Louis examined his eyes, they were bloodshot and tired looking. He was smashed. "I was having funnnn..." Harry murmured, snaking his arms around Louis' waist and stumbling them towards the kitchen to pin Louis to the counter. 

"No-" he protested only to be cut off by Harry's lips. Louis pushed Harry off of him. "No, Harry. I've told you a million times. I'm not doing this while you're like this." he said, keeping his hands on Harry's chest to hold him back. 

"Like what, baby?" he slurred into Louis' ear. It didn't even turn Louis on to have Harry's breath radiate on his neck. Not when all he smelled was beer. Louis pushed him off, "Enough. Okay? I told you I'm not doing this. Eat the dinner that I spent a good 2 hours on and sober up." he muttered, going to fetch Harry's plate. He was just annoyed, he hated when Harry acted like this. Mainly because he wasn't his sweet normal self. He was more of an asshole really, to put it in simple words. He didn't listen to Louis or care about what he said. He only had two drunk personalities: horny and careless. But there was always a little bit of Harry in there. There was just something about the alcohol that made him different. Not majorly but, enough to make Louis feel sad every time Harry gets drunk. 

"I ate already." He chuckled.

"And that's funny?" he scoffed. "That I made you dinner, which I never do I might add, to congratulate you on your new record? That's funny?" 

Harry just blinked at him, smiling. "God, I can't handle you. First you don't tell me where you are a-and just show up at 3 am, and you're just being a fucking dick." he sighed. "I hate when you're like this." 

"You're so uptight." Harry murmured under his breath, standing up from the table. 

'Really?' Louis thought. 'God forbid I care whether your safe or not, because I love you. He knew Harry wasn't himself but seriously?' "Harry you would never fucking say that if you were sober. You know I am just trying to make sure you're safe." he said, looking at Harry with a rather calm expression. 

"It's true!" Harry raised his voice, throwing his hands in the air. "You always have to know where I am, its fucking annoying!"

Louis gaped, his brows furrowing into an angry expression. "Pardon me for fucking caring about you! I don't think it's uptight of me to be worried when you were supposed to be home at 7 and now it's 3 am in the fucking morning. You know I stayed up late just to make sure you were okay!" Tears started to sting in his eyes. He was just frustrated. After being very anxious for about 8 hours worrying about Harry and getting this in return just felt like shit, it usually was when Harry was smashed like this. "I could've just went to bed and not given a shit, would you rather that-"

"Shut up for fucks sake!" Harry yelled. Louis flinched because... well, Harry never yelled. He just looked at him, cursing under his breath when he felt a couple hot tears on his cheeks. He didn't want to let Harry win. Let him hurt Louis. He wiped them away quickly. 

"Whatever." he whispered, pushing past Harry and into the living room. He grabbed a blanket and slumped on the couch. He wouldn't bother telling Harry to sleep on the couch because he knew it would result in another fight and to be honest, Louis was just tired. He just wanted to go to sleep and forget it all. 

The last thing he remembered was feeling Harry's lips on his forehead and before had time to process a thought about it he slipped into slumber.


	2. Night 2

Night 2-  
Louis was woke the next morning with the smell on cinnamon and a sharp pain in his back. Sleeping on this couch was a nightmare and he cursed at himself for not making Harry be the one who endured it. Nonetheless Louis sat up, blinking a few times and yawning. Suddenly, memories of the somber night before came into his mind. He took a deep breath when he felt that tight, pang of anxiety in his chest. He heard feet pad into the living room.  
"Lou?" Harry spoke, walking in with a plate consisting of french toast topped with whipped cream and strawberries, Louis' favorite. He felt guilt-ridden, as he should be. Harry carried a sheepish smile. "Hey." he whispered as he sat down next to his fatigued boyfriend.  
"I'm guessing you remember last night?" was all Louis said. Louis really did appreciate Harry's efforts because he knew Harry felt bad for what he did. Louis could never deny how full Harry's heart was of respect and love for everyone. Especially his loved ones. Harry will always go the extra mile to make up for things he's done to hurt people, which rarely happened. Hell, Harry could wake Louis us with a kiss and simply apologize and Louis would easily forgive him.   
"I remember yelling, and that's enough." he gave Louis a kiss on the temple. "I'm sorry, Lou. I really am. I should've raised my voice at you."   
Louis gave him a smile, it still hurt a little. But, Louis loved this boy with all his heard. "It's okay, You were intoxicated."  
"That doesn't make it okay. I should've been such a fucking dick to you, I'm sorry." he repeated, finally handing Louis his plate. "Your favorite."   
Easy as that, Harry was forgiven and Louis was just as smitten as he was 24 hours ago.   
~ Night 2  
It was about 2 and a half weeks later and tonight was an exciting night. It was the first night Louis and Harry would be photographed together. Louis was elated to say the least. For the first time ever they were weening their relationship back into the public eye. Weening was the word Harry's management used, they didn't want to throw themselves out there all at once. It might "drive people away", Louis understood that- kinda. Harry's management explained that they would send paps to the entrance to a restaurant of their choice and that was that, they would take pictures and release them minutes after they were taken. They assured the couple that no one would be taking pictures inside so they were free to enjoy their night. Also, that this was a good first time. Something to get people thinking, and to satisfy the "Larries".   
The couple were inside their bedroom, adjusting their suits in their floor length mirror. Harry was wearing a black button down with a red floral suit and pants, paired with black boots. Whereas Louis' outfit was far more simple. Black button down, pants, and shoes with a gray suit coat.   
"Do I look okay?" Louis said, glancing up at Harry in the mirror as he fiddled with his coat sleeves.   
"You look perfect." Harry smiled, taking Louis' hands into his own so he couldn't fidget and worry about his outfit any longer. 'Harry is such a wonderful distraction.' Louis thought. Harry pressed his lips to Louis', their lips molding perfectly and doing a small dance before Louis' pulled away. "We should head out." The boy breathed, his anxiety washed away from Harry's grip.  
And so the couple head off, the car ride silent until they arrived behind the building. "I'm scared." Louis spoke up, the feeling in his chest overwhelming. Louis must've looked uneasy, the anxiety must have been written all over his face because Harry turned to him, taking one of Louis' hands in his and pressing a gentle kiss on his lips. "Don't be." he breathed, pressing their foreheads together. "It's going to be fine and you're going to look hot in those pictures." Harry said, causing Louis to let out a cackle and kiss Harry again.   
"Now or never." he sighed, getting out of the car and meeting Harry, their fingers lacing together as they walked around the corner, Immediately met with a hundred flashes. Louis eyes squinted slightly as Harry led him to the entrance. It all happened to quick and before he knew it they were inside at a booth.   
"What the fuck..." Louis breathed. "Oh my god."  
"What baby? Are you okay?" Harry said.  
"W-We just got papped together! For the first time, Harry!" He giggled. "This is big, this is really big. I-I can't even believe it. I'm speechless." he breathed, smiling at his lover from across the table.   
This bubbly side of Louis made Harry smile wide, so wide his cheeks hurt. It made Harry delighted to see Louis so cheerful. "I'm happy as well, darling. I'm happy we're finally getting our freedom, soon I'll be able to kiss you as much as I want in front of them." he said.  
"Hi!" a waitress came over and beamed. "My name is Lena I'm going to be your server tonight. May I start you off with some drinks?"  
Louis smiled, "Uhhh hot tea, please." Louis looked at Harry who avoided his gaze.   
"Could I get a beer, please? Miller Lite." Harry said politely. This made Louis scowl. Yes, one beer is fine but he didn't want this to turn into a drunk Harry night. Often Harry couldn't just stay with one beer, he would order a second and a third until that one beer became 10.   
"Really?" Louis raised a brow. "Please don't do this tonight."  
"It's one beer, babe." Harry said, taking Louis' hand once again.   
...  
As Louis had predicted, Harry was into his third beer when they were about halfway done with their meals. Louis just sighed, looking up at Harry. "Harry, please." be said, setting down his fork. "This is supposed to be a nice night, okay? I don't want to drag you out here drunk."  
"Harry? Is that you, mate?" Louis heard a familiar voice, turning his head to be greeted with Nick Grimshaw. Louis look a deep breath, giving Harry a look that said 'We're not done with this.' before flashing Nick a smile.   
"Hi Nick." Louis said as Harry popped up, hugging the man and patting his back. "I haven't seen you in ages, mate." Harry chuckled as Nick nodded in agreement.   
"Hey lets get some drinks, yeah? Louis, wanna come?" Louis furrowed his brows at him. Seriously? Was Nick blind? Like hello, we're having dinner. No, Harry does not want to dr- "Sure!" Harry beamed.  
"No, I'm okay. Thank you." He murmurs, looking down at his food as Harry walked away from him. Louis gave Harry a hurt look, shaking his head as he felt that pang in his chest again. He simply didn't understand why Harry was so inattentive towards people when he was intoxicated. He had only had 3 beers, 'I guess that's enough.' Louis thought.   
He just felt exposed. Sitting at a table by himself, while his boyfriend was ordering shots at the bar. He felt like every single person in that room was starring at him, he felt like they were all laughing at him. He glanced around the room, examining everyone. He took a sigh of relief when no one really payed attention to him, they were having conversations of their own. Louis sat there, for at least 20 minutes. Though it felt like a lifetime, just sitting there trying to stay calm. 'He just wants to catch up with a friend. Its okay. Sure, it was rude of him but I understand.' He convinced himself as he watched Harry down his 10th shot. Yes, he had been counting. Louis loves Harry, what do you expect? He had decided Harry had enough to physically drink and stood up, making his way to the bar. Louis look a hold of Harrys upper arm to get his attention, Harry turning around and flashing a goofy, drunk smile.   
"C'mon, honey. It's time to go home, you're drunk." He said for only Harry to hear.   
Harry chuckled. "I'm not drunk, you're drunk!" Harry said, loud enough for the whole restaurant to hear. Louis shuddered out a breath of embarrassment and glanced at all the eyes on them. "Harry, please. Okay? Can we not do this? Its time to go home. The paps, remember?"  
Harry roughly took his hand from Louis' gentle grip and starred at him with a hard glare. "I don't want to go home." He snapped. Louis furrowed his brows and watched Harry for a few seconds, waiting for a smile to show his sarcasm. But he was met with nothing. Louis just nodded slowly, looking down as he felt tears burning in his eyes. He turned to Grimmy.  
"Just... make sure he pays the bill and gets a cab or something. Please?"  
"Yeah, yeah. Of course. Hey, I'm sorry." Grimmy said, glancing at Harry.  
"S'fine." He smiled slightly before turning away and sniffling. He barged through the restaurants front doors, once again met with white flashes.   
"Louis! Louis! Over here! Look over here! Where's Harry? Are you two together! Hey!"  
Louis sped past them, shaking his head as he climbed into the front seat of their Range Rover. He threw his head back, a sigh escaping his lips. His mind started to wander and think about the events that just happened but Louis shook his head, not allowing himself to get worked up.   
'Just go home. Go home and have a cuppa and sleep. Don't think about it. You're fine, Harry's fine. It's okay.'

 

'   
Louis throws his clothes carelessly onto the floor of their moonlit bedroom, throwing on one Harry's t shirts and a pair of sweats. He cuddles into Harrys side of the bed and inhaled his scent, letting darkness consume him.


	3. Make up

Louis glanced at the clock, it read 9:42. He had been awake for some time now, thinking over everything that's happened over the past week. He didn't quite understand what all of this meant. His mother had always warned him of the signs of abuse, and once you see them so get out right away. But Louis really didn't know. Harry is the kindest soul Louis has ever met. He's caring, loving, supporting, respectful. His heart is just so full of love, he truly is Louis' dream man. Before this past week, Louis didn't think Harry had a mean bone in his body. They didn't even get into fights often, Louis guesses they're just too in love to fight. Louis' bit his lip and glanced over at Harrys body next to him. He wondered if Harry was falling out of love with him, and that's why he has been so different lately and they were fighting. Louis' breathing went jagged as his mind raced, thinking of instances where Louis' could have caused this, Louis eyes wandered around. He thought maybe because he was irritable sometimes, but Harry usually understood. His doctor had explained to the two that anxiety and irritableness are tightly wound. Louis brought his thumb to his mouth, nibbling and biting at the skin around his nails, a nervous tick he possessed. Louis thought about the possibility of abuse, he really didn't even want to think about it. But Harry was being an asshole out of no where and Louis had no idea why. Him being intoxicated must have something to do with it but that doesn't explain why Harry is taking everything out on him. There must be something wrong that Harry isn't telling him- maybe he loves someone else -

Louis flinched when he felt Harry's rigid hand wrapping around his, pulling his hand away from his mouth. "Hey, stop that." he said, his voice groggy and deep.  
Louis mumbled a small "sorry" and stared blankly at the wall.

"Am I the cause of your worry? Scratch that, I know I am." He sighed, sitting up and scooching next to his boyfriend. "I'm sorry, Louis. Nothing excuses what I did last night"

"Its ok-"

"Don't even say its okay, Louis because I know its not. I ruined a huge night for us. Something that meant so much to you. That is not okay and I'm the biggest asshole for doing that." he said, wrapping his arms around Louis. Louis let out a breath he didn't know he was holding and collapsed into Harrys comforting arms. "It really hurt me." 

Harry tightened his grip. "I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry I hurt you. I love you so much." he whispered, laying a kiss on Louis' hair.

"Can you please stop this... getting drunk business? If something is bothering you please tell me." Louis said, removing his head from Harry's chest to get a better look at him.   
"Nothing is bothering me, sweetheart. Its just stress, you know? With everything that's going on with the album and press." 

"That doesn't mean you can take it out on me." Louis gulped, feeling that familiar tightness in his chest, causing him to take a shaky breath. "Harry if you're stressed, talk to me. Don't wash it away with alcohol and come home drunk to me."  
Harry cupped Louis' face and stroked his cheeks with his thumbs in an attempt to calm his anxiety. Harry knew all the signs and all the tricks to calm him down. "I know, I'm sorry. That's what I should have done, that would have been the right thing to do but I just took the easy way out."

"You were just so bitter, you looked like you hated me last night. A-and you just left me alone at the table." Louis felt tears in his eyes, he didn't know why he was crying. The tightness in his chest was just so overwhelming. 

"Hey, hey, please don't cry." he whispered, pressing his lips against Louis'. Harry felt like such an asshole and he hated to see Louis' cry, especially when he was the cause. It broke Harry's heart to hurt the ones he loves. Especially his Louis. "I don't hate you, you know that. I love you more than words can say, baby. I was an asshole last night but I'll make it up to you, okay? I love you. We'll go out today, yeah?" He kissed Louis again, wiping away a tear that had fallen from his beautiful icy eyes. "We'll have the most fun day in Hollywood and I'll kiss you in front everyone." he smiled, earning a laugh from Louis.

"I don't think we can do that yet." Louis smiled up at him, eyes full of love.

"Well I don't care, I'm going to do it anyway." He chuckled, giving Louis a peck. "Now c'mon, get your pretty ass ready."   
Louis smiled, Harry just always knew how to wash away his anxiety and Louis was so grateful for that. The couple proceeded to get ready for their day.


	4. Night 3

Everything had been fine for a while. Harry had been sober for about four weeks, refusing drinks at party's and such. That put Louis' at a lot more ease, he was way less anxious because he didn't have to worry about how Harry would act when he got home, if he would be angry or demeaning. It was actually nice to have the old Harry back for a while after having someone just... so different while he was drunk. The couple hadn't had a whole lot of time to spend together because Harry was most out promoting his tour. Small concerts, interviews and such. Harry was actually on the Late Late show w/ James Cordon for a whole week a little while ago. Louis thought that was just amazing, he was actually a little jealous. He wished he was adored that much to be welcome for a whole week. Harry got so much attention and sometimes Louis couldn't help but feel left out. It's just that he feels like he doesn't add up. It makes him wish he were different, maybe had Harry's looks or talent. He's well aware he shouldn't feel that way though. He beats himself up for feeling that way, he felt like he was a bad person for feeling that way. But he eventually blamed it on his anxiety, pushing it out of his mind. You're not supposed to be jealous of your lover, right? Besides he was happy for Harry, he really was. This is always what Harry wanted to do, make an album compiled of songs he wrote. And Harry was just so happy that he spent so much time on this album, songs about Louis included, and it completely blew up. He was ecstatic and so was Louis, he was incredibly proud. 

However, there was one small thing that had been racking Louis' mind lately. For as long at Louis can remember, him and Harry have always wanted kids. They both adore children with all their hearts and want nothing more than to have some of their own. So it was heartbreaking to say the least when Louis found out that he couldn't have children. He has known since early May. He didn't mean to keep this from Harry for so long but god, he was so scared. He was frightened out of his mind that this would change Harry's whole view on him, and that he would be out the door rather quickly. He knows that Harry deeply loves him (as Louis does in return) but that was just the way his anxious mind worked. It's a topic they both have talked about at length, something Harry's mother has even gone on and on about, "finally having grand babies" sometime soon or in the future when Harry was off tour. God, Louis wanted that more than he could imagine. To get pregnant with Harry's babies, and give birth to little munchkins that looked just like them? To be told he would never get that in his lifetime broke him. It's even worse to keep it a secret and a burden in your brain because you're to scared to tell who could make you feel so much better. He was just in such a bad state during May, now he wasn't dwelling on it so much and Harry's suspicions have faded. But, Louis thought now would be a good time to bring it up, he knew he had to face his fear. And what better time to than when Harry is sober and hopefully will be for a long time. 

Louis was wrong. Very wrong.

 

-

 

Harry was out for the day, he didn't really have a chance to explain to Louis where he was going in the morning because Louis had slept in until about 12:30 pm. Louis assumed it was only a couple meetings or an interview since he was back before 7pm.

Louis was in the kitchen plating some pasta he cooked; Louis' version of course, just boiled some noodles and poured canned sauce over it, when he heard the door open and close. Louis took a deep breath when his chest tightened with anxiety. This made it real, Louis would have to tell Harry now. 

"Haz? Can you come in the kitchen please?" He called, as he scooped pasta into two dishes. He set them on the table next to each other and sat down. 

"I have dinner, and uh.. I have something to tell you." he said, seeing Harry out of the corner of his eye. He looked up however when Harry didn't say anything. "Babe?"

"What"

"Is everything alright?" he said, concern wrapped around his voice as Harry plopped down in a chair next to him. 

"No, Louis." he snapped.

"What's wrong? Did something happen with the album or press? I'm not really sure what you were doing today." he said, watching Harry avoid Louis' gaze and dig his fork into the pasta.

"Yes." he mumbled. "Some fucking assholes are bashing the album and me right before Dunkirk releases. That Buzzfeed shit. I don't have time for this bullshit, especially when everyone already thinks I'm shit in the movie." he explained.

"Oh honey, they won't cost you anything." he said, a slight laugh in his tone. "It's Buzzfeed versus all of these millions of people who love you." Louis smiled. 

"You don't fucking know that."

Louis furrowed his brows, "Harry I know that for a fact you have nothing to be worried about." he said, reaching a hand to rid Harry's thigh to comfort him. 

Harry moved away from him, his eyes rolling. "Really?" Louis said.

"I'm in a shit mood alright?" he snapped again, "now what did you want to tell me?" he huffed.

"Well nothing now." He murmured, playing with the pasta in his bowl. The last thing he wanted to do was tell Harry his news while he was in a bad mood, that made him even more anxious. 

"Tell me."

"Harry, no. Not while you're in a bad mood, it's sensitive." Louis mumbled, taking a deep breath.

"What, you cheated on me?" Harry smirked and Louis' face twisted with disgust. "That's not even funny." Louis rolled his eyes.

"Then fucking tell me." he urged Louis on.

"No, it's sensitive. Like I said, especially for me. I've been anxious about it for a while and I-"

"You're always 'anxious'." Harry rolled his eyes once again.

Louis furrowed his brows, setting his fork down. "Yes, Harry I am." he said. "Apparently that bothers you more than it bothers me based on the tone of your voice." Surprisingly, Louis was more angry than nervous about this situation.

No response. "Well you wouldn't be saying that if you know what it was about." he raised his voice.

"Then fucking tell me already! Stop fucking complaining about how sensitive it is and just fucking-"

"I can't have children!" Louis screamed, Louder than he ever has. The spite in Harry's voice hit him too hard, he grew more nervous and just had to scream it out or he never would. In this moment he didn't even care if he hurt Harry with the way he told him, Harry was being a straight up asshole.

Louis chest grew right once he realized that he just said, a shaky hand coming to his chest to rub it as he felt pain. All the thought of Harry leaving rushed back into his head and he suddenly felt tears in his eyes. 

"How long have you known?" Harry said. Louis couldn't even read his emotion. He looked hurt, angry, and sorry in one sitting. 

"Harry, please-"

"How long, Louis."

Louis gulped, brushing away a couple tears. He took a shaky breath before answering. "Two months."

"Two months? Two fucking months? What I don't deserve to know?!" 

"Harry, n-no. It's not like that." Louis whimpered, a small sob escaping his lips, not being able to hid all the racing anxiousness in his body. "I was so scared."

"Well maybe you need to have more faith in me. As much faith as I have in you." He mumbled, brushing past Louis and storming up the stairs. 

Louis stood in the, mouth gaped as tears ran down his cheeks. Louis felt so exposed, so vulnerable and Harry had just done nothing. He felt like he ruined their whole future together. Louis didn't know what to think as he sat on the ground, taking his head in his hands and letting sobs rack his body.


	5. "That's what happens when you find your soulmate"

Louis didn’t realize he had fallen asleep on the kitchen floor until he felt a warm hand on his cheek and another on his hip. He opened his eyes, blinking once before his muttered a “shit” under his breath when he felt a sharp pain in his right hip that he had been sleeping on. He felt the hands guiding him up to sit, Louis let out a moan of tiredness. He looked up at Harry, seeing remorse in the man’s eyes. Louis must have looked like he had cried himself to sleep (which he did) because Harry’s face was twisted with regret, tears actually pooling in his own eyes. Barely. 

“I’m so sorry- fuck, Lou.” He whispered, cupping Louis’ face in his hands, kissing his lips very softly, scared he would hurt his lovely songbird. Louis reciprocated, pulling away from the peck after a few seconds. 

Louis just didn’t know what to say, he didn’t know what to do anymore. This was happening too often, too often without an explanation. They both had vowed to always tell each other what the hell they were dealing with inside their own heads. So for Harry to come to Louis drunk and angry with him quite often, treating him unfairly just confused the boy with feathery hair. With his anxiety, it was even worse. His mind thought up a million different reasons Harry could be acting like this, all of them being Louis’ fault. There was one time where Louis’ late mother made him watch a documentary when he was about 17 about abuse. He remembers that one of the early signs was the person getting angry with you and you doing nothing to provoke it, sort of like last night. Harry just never got like that with him, he was a very reasonable person. There was just no way in Louis’ head that Harry could abuse anyone. Harry was his saving grace. Literally the most loving, respectful people you could ever meet. So you could see how this confused Louis on a lot of levels. Especially since they had a very honest relationship. This was just so much on Louis right now, with his mother’s passing and the news about not being able to have children, last night just set his anxiety over the edge. 

Louis stood up, gently taking Harry’s hands away from his face. “I’m going to the pharmacy. Do you need anything?” His voice was a quiet and raspy. He hadn’t had to take his anxiety meds since last year but this was too much for him, he called for a refill last night.

“Lou, please. You have to understand how sorry I am, please let’s talk.” He begged, walking after him.

“Harry, I don’t want to talk.” He said, brushing his hair back with a shaky hand.

“How else are we going to fix this?”

“We? We, Harry? I have done nothing. This, this – fucking shit you’re doing is all YOU.” Louis looked at him, it was very obvious he was anxious, but also angry.

“I know, I know. I’m sorry. I don’t know why, I-I’m stressed and I drink to take it away and, I don’t know. I guess it all comes out when I’m intoxicated.” Harry tried to explain. 

“You weren’t drunk last night. You have no excuse. You’re just a fucking asshole.” He muttered. Turning around a grabbing his keys and glasses from the table.

“Lou, pl-“

“I was so scared, I was so fucking scared to tell you. I knew how stressed you were and I didn’t want to tell you while you were doing promo and I wasn’t ready to anyway.”

“Louis, I know. It’s okay. Yes, I’m upset, I’m just as upset as you are that we have to deal with this and it bothered me that you didn’t tell me sooner but there’s nothing either of us can do about it.”

Louis slowly nodded, looking down as he fumbled with his keys.

“I’m so sorry I wasn’t there to comfort you last night. I’m sorry I freaked out. I’m sorry I’ve been such a dick to you. I love you, with my whole heart.” He said, offering a side smile.

Louis looked up at him and nodded, returning with a sad smile. “I love you too.” They hugged for in silence for a moment before Harrys raspy voice broke it. 

“Lou… Do you remember- erm. That one night we had sex, you were – you were crying. I knew something was way off with you, you didn’t cum even. Was that the day you found out?” Harry said, apprehensive.

Louis took a deep breath, nodding slowly into Harry’s neck. After a few moments, Louis replied. “It.. It was just so different having sex with you knowing… k-knowing that-“ Louis bit his lip, tears escaping his eyes and landing on Harry’s shoulder. “That I couldn’t give you a baby.” he whimpered. Harry frowned, pulling away from Louis and setting his hands on Louis’ neck, thumbs grazing his cheeks. 

“We are going to get through this, okay? You and me. We’ll adopt or-or find a surrogate. There are other options. Louis nodded “yeah… yeah.” He whispered, giving him a crooked smiled. That’s his Harry, his Harry was back. 

And all a sudden Louis didn’t feel the need for that anxiety medication anymore, Harry was truly his anti-anxiety drug. Harry could fix anything. “I don’t know how you make me feel so much better in even an amount of seconds.” Louis chuckled, looking up into Harrys saucers.

“That’s what happens when you find your soulmate.” Harry said, causing a blush to heat Louis’ cheeks. “And after all this years, I still manage to make you blush.” He laughed. Louis smiled as Harry pecked his lips. “I’ll make you breakfast?” He asked, receiving a nod from Louis.

“Hey, I have a show tonight in London. Pretty small but would you come?”

“Duh” Louis rolled his eyes, smiling at his partner. “I would never miss a chance to watch you perform Kiwi. It’s making me hard just thinking about it.” Louis kissed the back of Harry’s neck. That earned a smirk from Harry as he cracked an egg into a pan. 

“Oh really?”

“Yes really.” 

Harry hummed and turned around pressing his lips to Louis’ jaw and inching his hand down to cup Louis. “I guess you’ll have to wait until after the show for me to fuck you then.” Louis let out a shuddered breath as Harry turned around back to his eggs with a satisfied hum. 

“Wow, okay. Fuckin’ tease.” Louis said, flustered.

“That’s what I do best sweetgums.”

 

The couple spent the hours before heading to Harry’s show watching a few TV shows that had to catch up on. Louis went more casual with dressing but Harry went with a cream colored blouse and black suit jacket over it for his show. Let’s just say he looked pretty hot in Louis’ opinion.

 

\--  
Louis was sat on a couch in Harry’s dressing room, watching Harry perform his last song on the tele that broadcasted his performance. And of course Harry saved the best for last, Kiwi. Louis was so hot and bothered watching Harry band his head to the music, he looked so fucking hot. Something with his hormones had to be going whack because he couldn’t even stop himself from palming himself from his jeans. 

He was knocked out of his dirty thoughts when he heard the door open, and close rather abruptly. I’m sure Harry didn’t want anyone to see his boyfriend a withering mess on the couch. “Please help.” Louis whimpered.

"Jesus, Lou." he breathed, already feeling himself harden at the sight of seeing Louis to desperate.

"I need you to fuck me. Now." 

Well, Harry didn't protest to that. He stripped himself of his shirt, boots, and pants. Louis followed his actions and did the same, both left with only boxer briefs.   
You can guess what happened after that.


End file.
